So I’m going to be transparent today; I’m going to be honest all the way today, I hope you are okay with that? I’m going to share some pain today but I’m also going to share some good at the end so it will all be wrapped up with a bow so it can leave us all with a lesson we have learned. As a Prayer Chaplain I am always helping other people, I am always providing sacred silence, sacred space, a listening tool, a heart opened to help heal. I am always listening, and I am always in a prayerful mode.
Yesterday I provided prayer for someone, and as I thought about my wonderful weekend I had and the sharing I did of that particular part of my life, I realized as I was on my way home I wasn’t up to working out, and on my way home I just didn’t feel mentally ready for that. So I called my Husband and I said hey I’m not going to work out today, and that I was going to come home and relax, why don’t we walk the little trail behind our house instead? Well my Husband had also changed his routine and since we had lost our little furry child, the house has been very quiet, there’s no sound of little thumping thumping feet and it’s just different.
So when I came home I just felt drained, I just felt Lord I’m tired I miss my dog, I just said goodbye to some friends, and I provided some prayer for someone, I just feel drained. So decided to look in our liquor cabinet and I saw something that I never ever mess with; and I took out some tequila and I decided I was going to have a couple shots, well I think I got carried away. Because I realized that when I went to bed I just felt so funny, I felt like I was 20 again and I had really over done it with some friends; I was using some spirits to heal my Spirit, bad choice, bad choice.
So I got up in the middle of the night and I felt so weird, maybe my head was about to spin I don’t know, but I got up in the middle of the night, and I said I had to wash my face, so I washed my face and I went to the bathroom and I began to pray, and I said to God I was so, I was so sad and maybe instead of taking spirits, I should have called on the Heavenly Spirit. Maybe instead of easing my pain with a spirit, I should have just called my Heavenly Father for the Spiritual Enlightenment that I needed; so I began to pray, and I prayed and I prayed all night. I said Lord I have made a mistake, never again will I veer from you, and have something else console me when it is You that I need consoling me from.
Never again will I grab for a spirit when it is the Heavenly Spirit that I need to be reinvigorated with. And never again will I think that I walk this walk alone, because I assure you he has not forsaken me, nor has he forsaken you either. So I must have prayed until I feel asleep, and I said to myself if I can just get to the other side of this thing, If I can just get through to the other side of this thing, you won’t have to worry about me with that anymore, you won’t have to worry about me grabbing that spirit anymore, because I’m going to pray to get my Spiritual fulfillment if it’s that bad ever again.
If the time that I am experiencing is that bad, I’m going to breakdown and ask for my Heavenly Father so that I can get my breakthrough. If the experience that I am experiencing is something so devastating, that I need to grab a spirit, than I’m going to grab the Heavenly Spirit to allow me to be refreshed and rejuvenated, because I know that that Spirit won’t leave any residue that I will have to deal with the next day, I know that that Spirit will allow me to feel how refreshed and how amazed I will be that I called on the Heavenly Father to help me through this time. I said Lord I need you now, because I am afraid I may have done something I didn’t need to do, and the Lord stood by me, my Heavenly Father stood next to me, and He consoled me, and He told me “fear not my child I am here with you, fear not my child I will always love you, and fear not my child, for you are still on your path that I have divinely set for you, let your fear, let your tension, let your pain out right now, I am here for you; let me heal you of this pain, let me heal you of this sorrow, let me heal you of this trial and tribulation that you are experiencing, let me heal you.”
Lord I needed to be healed, I needed your healing. As I said there is always something good, comes out of something that is a challenge, and I’m not going to say that what I was experiencing was something bad, because I needed to release what I needed to release. But I also needed to know that whenever I feel what I felt yesterday, or whenever I feel let down, let aside, pulled astray and left alone; I am not that way, for the Heavenly Father is always there, and all I need to do is ask, “Lord I need your Spirit to help me through this, Lord I need your precious loving Spirit to allow me to feel that I’m not alone in this, and Lord I need to only ask you for comfort, instead of grabbing something else to give me a temporary fix, Lord I’m grateful.”
I woke up this morning I was sane, I was full of life, and I felt thank you God I am of clear mind. Because when I was 20 years old I didn’t have this to fall back on, when I was 20 years old I didn’t have this strong faith, and love and Spiritual guidance, to fall back on if I had been led astray or if I led myself astray. But that was then and thank you God this is now. So I say all of this because some times when it seems like oh Lord the road is so long, and I feel so so tired, sometimes I feel Lord that I am here for everybody, and sometimes Lord I need someone here for me. But instead of reaching for something that will give me a temporary fix, I am going to reach for you my Father, I’m going for reach for you, and I’m going to say Lord I need prayer and not a stimulate, Lord I want confession and prayer and not a temporary fix. Lord I need you in my life to provide me with what is necessary, not temporary fulfillment; Lord I need you in my life in all times.
So when things are tough, and things are sad, and things are a trial and things are a challenge, I’m not going to reach for something else, I am going to reach for you, which is what I should always do. And by reaching for you, I am allowed to be set free from that pain, from that trial, from that challenge, and it has now become a blessing; I woke up this morning with a clear mind, a clear head, and I woke up this morning with a breakthrough. I thank you for allowing me to see that not everybody is going to deal with things the same way, but I thank You for allowing me to see, that the way to get through it is to get to You, and I’m appreciative for that. I thank You for holding me in the night, taking me to this morning, and allowing me to sleep restfully with the love of You in my heart, I will never forget who I need to talk to when times are hard, and troubles are mounting, but joy has been given to me in the morning and now I am free, I am whole, I am healed, I am reborn, I am rejuvenated; and I have realized that it takes all of me, and the love of the Heavenly Spirit to make this life the what it was meant to be, thank you God for that, thank you God, thank you God, thank you God for that, and so it is. Amen and amen, God bless you all
gerriewalkerinspires 
Thank you Gerrie for sharing this for it helps me to grow as well.